{rambling} : breakup friends.

{Random rambling}

I secretly despise the phrase 

“something good comes out of every situation”.

Maybe it’s because I’m strange and think we need the 

“bad" in situations more than the good at times. 

(I think I just got confused in my own thought. 

bear with me here.)

I particularly cannot stand it when people say these overly positive words just after you have been dumped 

or

find out your boyfriend is a cheating A-hole.

Because in that moment -  

nothing good could possiblyyyyy come out

of that gut-wrenching heartache.

E.V.E.R.

right? 

Well guess what – I have been working on “choosing my thoughts” lately and attempting to be more positive – 

so I made a list of the good things that actually do come out of the ending of a relationship.

(I’ll spare you the entire list – bc it’s absolutely ridiculous)

At the very top of that list is : new friends.

I was randomly thinking the other day that A LOT of my very closest friends at this point in my life are a result of a past relationship ...or developed out of a really difficult situation.

These are amazing, lifelong friends – ones that I would have never stumbled upon without the douche bags of my past.

I love getting asked the question “now how did you 2 meet?”

And answering “oh I got custody of this one 2 years ago.”

(and typically not bothering to explain further

because I like to be mysterious)

This is just my random thought for today.

Since it was a positive one – I thought it was best to share

while my heart was flowing with half-way decent vibes.

Bottom line :

friends are better than douche bags.

so yeah - thank you ex-boyfriends. 

i appreciate you for ONE thing. 

{ life } : via instagram : july

just some recent shenanigans.

{ journal } : be nice.

we just should.   

{trend} : t-strappin'.

i'm having a summer love for the whole

 t-strap sandal/shoe look.

i have no clue why.

they look awesome on most people.

but i have serious cankles.

so ... this style is not flattering on my 

terrible legs whatsoever. 

i also hate wearing sandals in nyc, period. 

because my feet end up looking like i walked through wal*mart barefoot after 2 minutes out on the street.

anyway. i still love these. 

maybe i'll just love them from afar. 

{images via urban outfitters blog // here } 

brands  :  philadelphia, swedish hasbeens, seychelles. 

{life} : live it.

{birthday} : i am 30.

i turned 30 years of age on friday.

it feels very strange. 

i feel a little conflicted in my view on 

completing an entire decade of my life.

actually - i take that back.

i'm not actually conflicted.

i just feel like i'm supposed to be?

thirty seems to be one of those birthdays that is supposed to leave you in drunken tears or 

high-five'ing yourself victoriously. 

i don't necessarily feel either way.

i am not upset. 

but i'm not super excited.

the only word to describe how i feel is maybe...content? 

my life has been a living proof example that -

you can make those 5 & 10 year plans for yourself...

but it may just not happen.

life may fall apart.

it also may fall right back together. 

if i was asked 10 years ago :

"where will you be at 30?"

i would've answered confidently that i'd probably 

be married, have a kid or 2, and maybe even a garden.

{i think i need a garden actually}

my twenties have been less than ideal.

the past years have actually been a mixture of 

triumph, heartbreak, brokeness, refinement, clarity, & growth.

i think that might sum up "the twenties" in general...

it is such a transitional time in life. 

it's a time that a person is learning truths about who they are & who they want to be...

and it is a fun and TOUGH RIDE. 

i would never describe myself as mature right now.

i'm pretty sure no one would.

it's actually awkward for me to think of myself as a true "adult" 

at times. 

because i feel like i have so much more growing to do.

but i've learned very slowly over time - 

that we are never "finished" people.

we are always evolving & changing. 

i may never feel like an adult.

and that's okay.

another weird realization i've come to lately is that - 

i actually HAVE quietly and slowly grown into an "adult".

it doesn't just happen.

and most don't realize the process along the way.

but - through all the sappy reflection i've done -

while trying to determine if i'm actually in the midst of a 

quarter life crisis...

i've realized that i am SO DIFFERENT 

than i was 10 or even 5

years ago. 

my heart, mind and view of the world has drastically changed.

i have evolved and grown into a more "adult version" of myself -

whether i tried to or not. 

Some things i've learned :

* i've realized that i don't want 

to "arrive" or "know everything".

i want to stay curious and young at heart - 

and i'm completely okay with admitting 

i don't have very much figured out. 

* i've realized that i truly know 

what i am good at and what i am terrible at. 

and i've realized that i'm not insecure about those weak spots within me anymore.

* i've realized that it's okay if everyone doesn't like me. 

or approve of my decisions. 

because ...i've realized that i totally trust my own convictions. 

i want to be me and follow my heart.

and i really don't care how others view that. 

* i've realized the importance of loving over judging.  

this is one i am personally so happy i have truly learned. 

i used to be narrow-minded and naive. 

but as i've grown to see my own imperfections - 

i have come to know 100% 

that it is better to love others over judging them. 

all day. everyday. 

I feel like I've settled a lot - 

maybe not in my lifestyle -

but definitely within myself. 

i am okay with the spot i am in.

i am excited about the journey ahead - 

just as much as i am thankful for the past.

all of these things work together to shape us overall.

So yeah...I AM THIRTY.

so what?!? 

Below are some photo's from my birthday weekend. 

it was amazing - i am loved & a lucky girl. 

i have a feeling that this is only 

the beginning of posts like this. 

i hope future entries will be less serious - 

and more about the fun life i get to live. 

i also hope a future post is about how i finally got botox. 

sorry. 

"go up on your hill and see what you find there. 

with grace in your heart and a flower in your hair."

mumford & sons 

Monday Funday? no.

repeat.repeat.repeat.