{life} : live it.

{birthday} : i am 30.

i turned 30 years of age on friday.

it feels very strange. 

i feel a little conflicted in my view on 

completing an entire decade of my life.

actually - i take that back.

i'm not actually conflicted.

i just feel like i'm supposed to be?

thirty seems to be one of those birthdays that is supposed to leave you in drunken tears or 

high-five'ing yourself victoriously. 

i don't necessarily feel either way.

i am not upset. 

but i'm not super excited.

the only word to describe how i feel is maybe...content? 

my life has been a living proof example that -

you can make those 5 & 10 year plans for yourself...

but it may just not happen.

life may fall apart.

it also may fall right back together. 

if i was asked 10 years ago :

"where will you be at 30?"

i would've answered confidently that i'd probably 

be married, have a kid or 2, and maybe even a garden.

{i think i need a garden actually}

my twenties have been less than ideal.

the past years have actually been a mixture of 

triumph, heartbreak, brokeness, refinement, clarity, & growth.

i think that might sum up "the twenties" in general...

it is such a transitional time in life. 

it's a time that a person is learning truths about who they are & who they want to be...

and it is a fun and TOUGH RIDE. 

i would never describe myself as mature right now.

i'm pretty sure no one would.

it's actually awkward for me to think of myself as a true "adult" 

at times. 

because i feel like i have so much more growing to do.

but i've learned very slowly over time - 

that we are never "finished" people.

we are always evolving & changing. 

i may never feel like an adult.

and that's okay.

another weird realization i've come to lately is that - 

i actually HAVE quietly and slowly grown into an "adult".

it doesn't just happen.

and most don't realize the process along the way.

but - through all the sappy reflection i've done -

while trying to determine if i'm actually in the midst of a 

quarter life crisis...

i've realized that i am SO DIFFERENT 

than i was 10 or even 5

years ago. 

my heart, mind and view of the world has drastically changed.

i have evolved and grown into a more "adult version" of myself -

whether i tried to or not. 

Some things i've learned :

* i've realized that i don't want 

to "arrive" or "know everything".

i want to stay curious and young at heart - 

and i'm completely okay with admitting 

i don't have very much figured out. 

* i've realized that i truly know 

what i am good at and what i am terrible at. 

and i've realized that i'm not insecure about those weak spots within me anymore.

* i've realized that it's okay if everyone doesn't like me. 

or approve of my decisions. 

because ...i've realized that i totally trust my own convictions. 

i want to be me and follow my heart.

and i really don't care how others view that. 

* i've realized the importance of loving over judging.  

this is one i am personally so happy i have truly learned. 

i used to be narrow-minded and naive. 

but as i've grown to see my own imperfections - 

i have come to know 100% 

that it is better to love others over judging them. 

all day. everyday. 

I feel like I've settled a lot - 

maybe not in my lifestyle -

but definitely within myself. 

i am okay with the spot i am in.

i am excited about the journey ahead - 

just as much as i am thankful for the past.

all of these things work together to shape us overall.

So yeah...I AM THIRTY.

so what?!? 

Below are some photo's from my birthday weekend. 

it was amazing - i am loved & a lucky girl. 

i have a feeling that this is only 

the beginning of posts like this. 

i hope future entries will be less serious - 

and more about the fun life i get to live. 

i also hope a future post is about how i finally got botox. 

sorry. 

"go up on your hill and see what you find there. 

with grace in your heart and a flower in your hair."

mumford & sons 

{life} via Instagram : DC

hey heyyy.

so i spent last week in our nation's capital 
with my very favorite person - 
my mama. 

i am lucky. 
for a lot of reasons.
but in particular to this post - 
i am lucky because i can work remotely AND - 
because i have the most amazing mother on this earth. 

Mama D had a work conference in DC + i can do my job 
from anywhere = 
i hopped on a bus and went for the week.  

i have actually never been to DC. 
my family was never the "educational vacationers"...
we only went to the beach. 
end of statement.
so last week - i did my duty as an American citizen & 
did some solo sight-seeing. 
i actually am not a big fan of studying history. 
{is that even okay to say?}
So yeah - i honestly didn't think i'd enjoy 
the actual tourist activity - 
BUT I did. 

I carried around my huge map and had google on lock down - searching everything I AM SURE
 I was supposed to already know from grade school - 
and I actually enjoyed it. a lot. 
{I am also pretty sure this is because I'm almost 30. 
30 year olds are supposed to be cultured, right?}

ANNDDD...so far this post makes me sound like a complete idiot - 
so i'll switch gears and at least attempt to win you over 
with a sweet mom shout out...

Seriously though - more than the trip at all - 
getting to spend a few days & quality/good time with my mom 
made me beyond happy. 
she really is the most fun human being i've ever met. 

living so far from home is tough sometimes - 
it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle & bustle,
day to day drama of a city like NYC...
my mom is one person who reels me back into reality - 
she reminds me of what matters and what i should be focusing on.
it's always humbling but so refreshing. 

so...there's my little update. 
i finally learned some american history & i love my mom.
that's all. 
bye. 


{ instagram : @texturedblog}  

{journal} : accepting change.

apologies for the quote overload here...
but my mind has been crazy jumbled lately.
so many changes going on within my little life.

i hate it and love it. 


i can't help but think that change - 
whether it feels good or bad ... 
might just always be a good thing.

change shakes us up.
it makes us stop and think.
change always offers us a choice : 
stay the same or adjust & grow?
{or maybe this is me being overly optimistic - which is likely}

ehh.

you will learn - if you actually continue 
to read this blog for some reason...
that i struggle with being open.
it's weird - bc i'm awkwardly open about little things - 
things that don't matter.
so people always assume i'm a big open book.
i'm not. 
i'm more like the table of contents.
and maybe a preface.
if you are lucky.
or unlucky?

this ramble entry is me opening up.
i'm admitting that my life is kind of unsettled right now.


i'm learning.
i'm changing.
i'm choosing to grow instead of stay the same.

hopefully one of the changes will be - the freedom to begin sharing more of my life with you here. 

and - hopefully my future "journal" entries 
won't be as lame and evasive as this one. 




"you must constantly ask yourself these questions: 

who am i around? 
what are they doing to me?
what have they got me reading?
what have they got me saying?
where do they have me going?
what do they have me thinking?
and most importantly - 
what do they have me becoming? 
then ask yourself the big question:
is that okay?
Your life does not get better by chance ...
it gets better by change."
Jim Rohn

{journal} : imperfection.

on my mind...

{life} via instagram : january

life lately via instagram: 

yeah...this captures it nicely - 

but i'll break it down: 

{ left to right } 

#1. it's freezing in NYC - 

i'm not used to this weather. all i want to do is hibernate.

#2. i'm approaching the nice little age of 30 in march - 

trying to be mature and make to-do lists to make myself feel more "accomplished". we'll see if it works. 

#3. i swore i'd never post "nail art" - but i did. 

#4. i just like this quote and typography. 

{pinterest} :: a little window

i love a good inspiration conglomoration.

just a few of my fave pics via my pinterest boards. 

see the rest :: here :: 

{ @texturedblog }

nyc outlook - rewind 10 years.

 life is constantly changing 

& mine has especially in the last few years...

i found the below article that i wrote for my hometown newspaper in 2002 about my first visit to the city i now call home...

i haven't decided yet if my life has taken a crazy turn from what i had planned... or if i've just gone completely crazy. 

anyway - enjoy & don't judge me for this lame 

and  way too LONG of a story. 

take that & rewind it back - to 10 years ago...

or not? 

“City girl? Well, maybe not.”  

(*terrible title - i'm aware)

Published:

Thursday, August 15, 2002 12:00 AM CDT

BY REBEKAH DAVIS 

"City girl."

This term had always appealed to me. It just sounds so fun, independent, and different than anything I have ever been. Well, it did appeal to me -- until I traveled into the streets of where real "city girls" reside -- New York City. I found out very quickly that I am no where near "city" material, and the "city people" were quick to label me just what I have always been and will always be--"the practical southern belle."

I was ecstatic as four of my sorority pledge sisters and I planned this trip up north. We visited another friend from school that is from Pennsylvania. I had always wanted to go up north, especially to NYC!

So during the week of July 20-27, I got to experience this dream! We visited in Pennsylvania for a few days, before loading a train early Monday morning (and, by the way, I had no idea trains were actually still used for transportation!) This started the trip off in a neat way, but it sure was a hassle! We unloaded and loaded at three more train stations before arriving at our destination. Finally, there we were--five Arkansas girls trying to flag down a taxi to our hotel!

My first impression was definitely what I had always imagined--humongous buildings, tall billboards, millions of people everywhere, and crazy taxi cab drivers who were not afraid to run over the millions of people everywhere… As we rode in our Lincoln taxi, I stared out the window and ooed and aaaed at the scenery.(Take note that this was the first and last Lincoln taxi we took--yellow cabs did just fine for us after the Lincoln's $30 charge for less than five blocks)

Our first day in NYC was filled with shopping on Fifth Avenue! Wow, I had always dreamed of saying I'd been there! We also walked through St. Patrick's Cathedral, as mass was taking place! Man, talk about a beautiful church! After about an hour of shopping, I declared that I definitely had not saved enough money for this trip--it was going quicker than I could hand it out!

After a full day of shopping, we got ready for our first night on the town! We ate at an awesome bar and grill in Times Square, which I could probably write an entire article on by itself! The lights and nightlife were amazing! There were people everywhere, but for some reason, the five girls from Arkansas were quite an attraction! As people would catch an earful of our accents - they were hooked. Finally, we decided we were just going to act mute, so people would quit making a big deal out of us…but that didn’t quite work.

We got on a local television, though, the first night, as we called the hogs and told all about Arkansas! (Don't worry, we represented it well!) We also made friends with a NYPD cop and "The Naked Cowboy," a guy who stood in the middle of Times Square in his underwear, cowboy hat and boots! (Don't ask!-- that's NY for ya I guess? )

Our second day started off early, as we ventured down into China-town and SoHo! These are locations where you can buy fake name brand things for almost nothing. This day, however, was the hottest day I had felt all summer, and with all the people, things were less than enjoyable. All I wanted all day was a bottle of water--instead of a fake Gucci purse -- but the bottle of water was more expensive, so I just settled for the purse instead (which in fact had “C’s” monogrammed on it instead of “G’s” – which makes me the thirsty idiot.)

This second day was also the most memorable, because we visited Ground Zero. The sight was very cleaned up, but it was still so emotional to see the actual location. Workers were still cleaning and people were everywhere. This day made me realize that what happened to our nation was real and not just something that took over our television stations.

As I stood and looked at the site, there was the largest American flag I'd ever seen, - flying freely in the wind. This gave me an emotional and raw sense of patriotism - but what stood out to me most was a cross - crafted out of the building’s structure beams. This stood in the center of the site and moved me in a more personal way.  I thanked God that no one I knew was involved and took a few moments to pray for the many families that did have loved ones involved or lost in this terrorism tragedy.

This second night we also did what I had always thought of when traveling to New York--we saw the Broadway play "The Lion King” - nothing short of amazing!

It was now time for our third and last day. As we sat in our hotel with no money and  completely out of ideas of anything to do with NO MONEY – we went with the obvious option and decided to try to get on TV again. So--we went to a convienence store and got a box out of the trash dumpster and made a sign. This sign accomplished our final goal--we were on the Today Show! We made a sign, wore Razorback noses, and matching "I love NY" shirts--and not only got on the show, but they talked to us and let us call the Hogs! We were so excited, after that, but to make it better--Katie Couric made time to come and talk to us and take a picture with us during a commercial break! Hey--we finally had an advantage to being "the Arkansas girls!"

As the day ended, we went back to Pennsylvania -- with no money and not enough space to carry all of our purchases! This was an amazing and unforgettable trip--I saw Fifth Avenue, the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Rockefeller Center, The Empire State Building, etc. But I learned that I love the South--the friendly people and slower pace of life! I will never wish to become a "city girl" again--I'm just fine as "the practical Southern belle."